Stream of Mindyness 9


I work with dogs so the downside is that I have to pick up a lot of their poop, but the upside is that they don’t think it smells like roses. I think it’s crazy when you hear stories about celebrities who think they are better than everyone. Why are they different than anyone else? I mean, set aside the fact that they have enough money to buy a person to literally carry them around so their feet never even have to touch the ground, other than that, what’s separating them from us? But some of them, really like to believe it. I just heard that included in Mariah Carey’s contract for what she wants in her dressing room are a bunch of puppies and kittens. Yes, real, live puppies and kittens. What do you think she does with them after her show? Probably eats them.

The Olympics started. I like watching them. I do not necessarily enjoy watching a lot of other sporting events, but the Olympics is interesting in it’s own way. I like how the networks are constantly switching sports on ya. I sit down to watch some beach volleyball or gymnastics and as soon as the match or event is over, it switches to swimming. It’s always swimming too, I never knew there were so many different ways to compete in swimming, I actually think there’s an Olympic event of the game Marco Polo in the pool. But what I mean is, after a usual sports event on tv, they spend hours talking about and interviewing the players about what happened during the game. No thank you, I just wanna see the action, not what overweight ex-players have to say about what they thought went wrong or right. The track and field is always a big event. Speaking of running, I just got those toe shoes, you know, the ones where it’s like your bare-footed without having to worry about catching the Hiv from whatever is living on the roads you run on. I like them, and I was prepared not too. They are actually pretty awesome, even if they make me look like a whacko wannabee, anarchist of the sneaker world.

One more thing about beach volleyball and gymnastics. I wish I could get a swimsuit that didn’t fall off or give me wedgies whenever I wear it. I went to the beach a few weeks ago, and with every wave that hit me, I had to hold on tighter and tighter to make sure my bathing suit was not rolling into the surf without me in it. Guys have it a little easier because their suits just look like shorts, but what’s with the pockets? Do you really think anything is going to stay securely in those things as they bubble up, turning inside out and float on the surface? There is a lot that doesn’t make sense in the world. Pockets on men’s bathing suits is just one of them. But, if there is anything that would make me feel right about the world again, it’s that when Mariah Carey returns to her dressing room, she finds that all of the cute, cuddly innocent little puppies and kittens that she has ‘rented’ to make her feel loved, have showed their appreciation by pooping all over her designer dresses, white curtains, and peeing in her special mineral water. So Mariah my friend, let me be the first to tell you, that puppies, while being fuzzy and adorable, produce some of the foulest smelling number two, that I’ve ever had the displeasure of cleaning up.


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