All I Need Is a Good Pair of Underwear


First of all, I’m not sure why it’s called a ‘pair’ of underwear. Let me look this up, please stand by while I peruse the internet a bit…..okay, here’s one reason. Back in the day supposedly they made underwear in two separate pieces and then had them sewn together, hence making it plural. Whatever, the tense of the word is not what I’m excited about anyway, that was just some good bonus water cooler conversation you can impress your co-workers with. Oh yeah, they would be impressed by that nugget.

You know what it’s like, you’re working all day long, doing what you do, the adventures of a normal day in ‘insert your name’-land. Now, what makes an otherwise totally by the book day bad? Well, probably a number of things come to mind to answer this question, fifty percent of them involving dinosaur attacks, but that’s not the issue I’m referring to. No, this is something that is easily avoidable yet, we all find ourselves in this predicament. It’s when you’re spending half your day pulling out your underwear from the crevasse it tries to creep up into while you’re busy minding your business. This; A) Is really uncomfortable B) Makes you have to be ninja-like, to secretly tug the offending fabric out of your backside while drawing no attention to your embarrassing moves and C) Is something that can be solved with a little tough love and a few extra dollars.

Now, I’ll be the first to admit, I’m thrifty. I spend very little money on clothes, and I’m proud to say that I still live off of hand-me-downs from my otherwise more fashionable and less-thrifty older sister. Alas, the other day, I received a gift card to a store where one of the many items they sell is underwear. Now I have plenty, but saying that, 75% of my collection could probably move to the big underwear afterlife in the sky. Where holy, stretched out, and faded underwear tell tales that make new undies still packaged hanging on racks in the stores only dream about and happily anticipate. So I decided to splurge and get some new ones. I was seduced by the packaging claiming they wouldn’t ‘ride-up.’ I’m proud to say, they have changed my life. I feel like a new woman, more put together, stronger, more flexible, just more!

No longer, am I tugging, pulling or pleading with undies that stealthily move around at their own will. No more do I spend countless minutes thinking to myself, ‘I should really try going commando.’ And there is not one minute of my day spent wishing that my underwear would truly live up to it’s name, for where I used to refer to it as under-where?! It now holds true to it’s proud and reliable name, underwear. Well, at least 3 days a week anyway, I only bought a 3 pack.


  1. Lorraine Fortune on Jun 2nd, 2011, 11:42am (Reply to this comment)

    You are such a performer! One of these days you must be found out by the higher ups. Love you and your awesome stuff.

  2. Lois Weiss on May 23rd, 2011, 7:45pm (Reply to this comment)

    Love your voice, love the subject, love the delivery..did I love it, yeah


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